i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
