Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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