I need help removing her.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
