She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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