Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
someone owes me an orgasm
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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