so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize