I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
