I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
