Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i out mim tonsoeep
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
