Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
