Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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