i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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