I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
