i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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