If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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