I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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