I met the friendliest cop last night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's always time for handjobs
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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