i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
