i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize