Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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