Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
