after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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