alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
