HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
