Already got asked if we're dating
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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