Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
