Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
