I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
