White coat. Heels.
I heard we made out
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
