Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
