between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
