Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
