life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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