I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
