Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it hurts more in the daytime
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
