my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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