my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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