I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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