Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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