dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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