I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize