Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
