last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
