Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
