I got chris browned last night
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
