yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
