Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize