Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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