he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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