Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
