I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
