What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
