I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The Olympian is in my bed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
