Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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