hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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