3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
