I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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