Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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