The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
