is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
