Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize