Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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