"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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