So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I smell stomach acid.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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