I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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