i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
