Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
